April 2, 2021

During Sexual Assault Awareness Month, sordid statistics about the realities of sexual harm are everywhere. While we need to stay aware and informed about how sexual assault holds space in our culture, it’s equally important that we take actionable steps to end it: We have the facts about sexual assault, but what do we do about it? 

CAASE’s Prevention Education Director Shalini Murpuri has spent her career teaching folks how to intervene and prevent sexual violence.  Here are her answers to some commonly asked questions about taking action. 

Q: Who is responsible for preventing sexual assault? 

A: Everyone! We can and should all play a role in ending sexual harm. Sexual assault is truly preventable but, to stop it, all of us have to decide it will no longer be tolerated. 

Q: What are some best practices for preventing this kind of violence? 

A: True sexual violence prevention prioritizes cultural shifts, both interpersonally and systemically. Culture shifts happen gradually and slowly through both individual and collective commitments to a safer world. 

By being goal-oriented about choices we make in our daily lives, we chip away at the foundations on which sexual violence relies. Prevention work is sustainable when it’s actionable and tangible, and participants need to identify how they fit into the larger puzzle. For example, take the pyramid below:

It might seem like there’s nothing we as everyday people can do to stop commercial sexual exploitation or rape or sexual assault, but if we focus on preventing some of the things lower on the pyramid, we can bring the whole thing down.

Q: How can allies take a stand without victim-blaming? 

A: Victim blaming—the belief that a victim of a crime is partially or fully responsible for the harm that has happened to them—is common. It is a topic we focus on in our Prevention Education Programs because it is one of the most pervasive attitudes perpetuating sexual violence. The first step in stopping victim-blaming begins with identifying it in ourselves. 

There are many reasons why we may victim-blame, whether we do it intentionally or unintentionally. When we’re listening to or reading stories of an assault, it’s important that we stop and check-in with ourselves before responding. Because victim-blaming is so prevalent, even people with the best intentions can do it, and in turn, cause more harm to the survivor. 

As a receiver of someone else’s story, your sole responsibility at that moment is to listen. It is not your job to “play detective” and gather all the details. Your job is not to tell them all the things they could’ve done differently. The best thing you can do is say, “I believe you, and I support you. How can I help?” 

Q: When are children old enough to talk about sexual abuse? 

A: You can have an age-appropriate conversation about sexual violence at any age. While you wouldn’t talk to a 3-year-old about rape, you can talk to them about boundary-setting, safe-touching, and identifying multiple trustworthy adults they can talk to.

Concepts around consent, emotional intelligence, and kindness begin to take shape at a young age, and they play a fundamental role in preventing violence throughout the lifespan. You can purchase books that discuss communication around boundaries for children, you can talk to a pre-teen about safe sex and medically-accurate sex education, and you can model healthy relationships for a young adult. 

The basics of sexual violence prevention are already built into conversations you’re having regularly, even if they’re not explicitly about sex. As someone who teaches youth about these topics every day, I cannot tell you how many times a teenager says “I wish I knew about this earlier.” It happens in every workshop and every classroom without fail. It illustrates why programming provided by CAASE is so important, but it should be a supplement to talks happening with the adults at home. Young people are desperate for a caring adult to have an authentic conversation with them about healthy relationships and sex. 

Q: How can allies talk to people who are either new to discussions of sexual violence or who are resistant to social change? 

A: We are asking people to undo all of the personal and closely-held beliefs they have about sex or relationships. That is hard work. Be patient with yourself and others, and know that prevention is only possible through sustainable action that takes time and investment. You will not prevent rape through one conversation. 

First, focus on what the person already knows and the beliefs that you may share. Then you can work together to identify which behaviors may be the easiest to shift to have the most immediate impact (check out the pyramid above) before finally committing to a new worldview that they feel empowered to maintain. 

Looking for more ways to begin tough conversations? Check out these resources: 

• How to Talk With Your Kids About Sexual Assault
• Here’s What Parents Can Do To Encourage Their Kids To Open Up About Sexual Assault
• Who Can I Talk To About My Body And Sexual Health?
• FROM CAASE: Sex and Romance After Assault
• When To Tell a New Partner You’re a Sexual Assault Survivor

To learn more about CAASE’s prevention programs, visit our website. You can also read about and request workshops here. Our evidence-based workshops encourage students to take a stand as emerging activists in the fight against sexual harm and rape culture. 

This piece was authored by KT Hawbaker and edited by Hayley Forrestal. Learn more about our staff here.