Imagine this: You’re in your Social Studies class and hear one of your classmates call someone a sexist slur. A few nearby students laugh while others look away awkwardly. Do you do something? If so, what? In a room full of your peers, it might feel scary to speak up—but you know it’s the right thing to do. 

You’ve probably been in situations where you wanted to stick up for someone but didn’t know how. It might have happened in a classroom, online, on the bus—anywhere. If you see something harmful, you might not know exactly how to step in. After the fact, you might feel bad about not saying something. 

The good news is that you can learn how to step up! This is called “bystander intervention” and our Prevention Education team helps students build this knowledge, but it’s information that people of all ages should have. Let’s think about how reflecting on those moments can help prepare us to build the skills to intervene.

Stepping Up 

Is It Harassment?

Harassment takes all sorts of shapes so, to be helpful, we have to be able to spot it. It typically looks like unwanted touching, hurtful language, or physical threats. Sometimes people see a situation and mislabel it as teasing, catcalling, or even flirting. That’s why it is important to really think about what is happening. If the target of the attention is uncomfortable, embarrassed, or being harmed, call it what it is: harassment. 

Cues like tone of voice and body language can help you decide if a situation is harmful. For example, if you’re on the train and see a man talking loudly at a woman who isn’t making eye contact, shifting away from him, and is trying to ignore him, you might pick up from the woman’s body language that he is making her uncomfortable. What does your gut tell you?

If the situation looks like a problem, then you can decide how you’d like to intervene. 

The 5 D’s

It’s natural to get anxious or overwhelmed when you encounter a harmful situation, so choosing a way to intervene before acting is key. A simple way of remembering bystander intervention techniques is “The 5 D’s.” Originally created by the Hollback! Organization, these are actions you can quickly take when the stakes are high. You choose which feels the best and safest to you in the moment.

Distract

Steer attention elsewhere. Distract the person causing harm or the person being harmed by asking a question (“How do I get to Wrigley Field from here?”) or pointing out something on your phone (“Have you seen this video!?”).

Delegate

Get other people to engage. Flag down the bus driver, get a friend to find more help, or ask the person being targeted whom they’d like to contact. You might feel the urge to call 911, but try to check with the harmed party to see if they want to contact police. It’s important to consider how the people involved in the situation could be impacted by law enforcement. 

Direct

Think about your own safety and then speak directly to the harasser. Speak in quick statements and don’t engage in an argument. You could say something like: 

• “I’m not cool with jokes like that.” 
• “Get away from them.” 
• “That’s disrespectful.” 

You can also speak directly to the harassed person and ask if they need help. 

Document

If someone else is already helping the targeted person, get your phone out and record or photograph the situation. Make sure you say the date and time as you document. Be sure to ask the survivor what they’d like to do with the footage. DO NOT post the video or images without their permission.

Delay

If you can’t immediately act, check-in with the targeted person after the fact. Offer support by asking if they’d like someone to walk with them to a safer spot or if they’d like help calling people they trust. 

If You Don’t Feel Safe to Intervene 

There may be times when intervening is unsafe or impossible. Ask yourself what you would have needed to feel empowered; think about the parts of the situation that held you back. Could you change any of these aspects the next time you’re faced with a similar situation? It might make you feel defeated when you can’t help but these feelings can teach us to become better allies. Remember this stuff takes practice. You will grow more confident with experience. 

To learn more about CAASE’s prevention programs, visit our website. You can also read about and request workshops here.

This piece was published on October 22, 2021. It was authored by KT Hawbaker with assistance from Hannah White, Ryan Spooner, and Hayley Forrestal. Learn more about our staff here.